I wish I spoke Japanese.

I like the way the Japanese language sounds. I like the fact that you don't speak it and wouldn't understand me if I did. I like it better than English. It sounds nicer than English. English just sounds clumsy and loud compared to Japanese.
No, I do not hate America. I don't hate the English language, either. In fact, I quite enjoy using it to prove my point that it sounds clumsy and loud.
Anyway....I just wish I spoke Japanese. That's all.

I also wish I could leave right now. Not this website, but the actual physical place I'm currently in. (proper English and grammer? Don't bother me with stuff like that) Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to travel around. Whenever my family and I would go on a trip somewhere, I'd get really depressed at the thought of going home. I always hated going home. Going home just sucked; it meant getting back to normal, everyday routine and counting the days till you could upset that routine again. I'm still like that. I hate being in the same place all the time. Makes me feel stifled. I'm not even married or anything, but I still can't leave. Not yet. There's a list of reasons, but I'm not going to bore myself.

The thing is, I keep wondering that, if I were to be offered an open door, would I go through it right now, even with all the reasons I have to stay? I sometimes think I would. Actually, the only way I could really do that, was if I didn't hesitate or think and I just went. But if I paused for just a moment, I'd remember all the people who are counting on me to be here for them, and I probably couldn't go. I'd always be worried about them. I know they could get along without me, that isn't what I'm saying. The problem is that...well, I can't actually go into that. It's too complicated. Too long a story. I just think they'd feel betrayed. I don't know if they could handle that, always feeling like I just wanted to escape from them, you know, when that wasn't it at all. And they'd worry, which would make me worry. Maybe I'd just come back, anyway. Man. I don't know. I probably just think too much. Everything would probably be fine. But it's the not knowing for sure that bothers me. There are two people in my life who depend on me for something, and I don't want to let them down. I don't want them to be alone. And they might feel that way if I wasn't there.

I bet this sounds so screwed up to you right now. You're probably thinking all kinds of things. But you really don't know. And I'm not gonna try to explain. I hate explaining things like this.

But, if I could go, where would I go? I've thought a lot about this. First, I would head to northern California, where the giant redwood forests meet the Pacific ocean. If you've never been to the Seqouia Nat'l Forest, you gotta go sometime before you die. If you're anything like me, you'll never want to go home after seeing that. The trees there are huge, and older than you and I put together. They've survived forest fires when everything else was destroyed, and probably thousands of generations of animals and birds have made their homes in those trees. They're amazing. They can even grow smaller trees right on their branches. That place gives you a funny feeling...like if you looked deep enough into the forest, you'd see something you never could have imagined. I dunno. It just feels like you would.
After that, I'd leave the country, go to China. That's pretty vague, but there are a lot of things I'd like to see in China. It's such a huge country, that could take a while. But it's really beautiful. So much history there, too, not like in America, where we're a relatively new established country. I want to see the Terracotta warriors (they say there are about 8,000 in all, and I guess not all of them have been excavated yet...there are even terra cotta horses) and the Great Wall...man, I want to ride my bike along the top of the Great Wall (not the whole thing, of course...not only is it thousands of miles long, but some of it's crumbled away) I don't know if that's even possible, but it'd be worth a shot. Salt flats, the Forbidden City, the great Buddha of Leshan, the castles and temples and tombs, the mountainscapes....there's a lot more to China than rice, Communism, and lead-based paint, I'm telling you.
After that, I might wander around a bit before I went to the place I've been wanting to go the most. Japan (where'd you think I was gonna say? Wrigley stadium? Although, I am a Cubs fan...) I want to live in Japan. It jst seems like an amazing country. I mean, they take comics a lot more seriously than Americans ever did, they love animation, nature, and baseball. The best video games come out of Japan. They had Samurai and ninja and a long, intense history of struggle and rebirth. They take politeness to a whole other level and some of the oldest living people in the world are Japanese. That's got to mean something. There's a whole bunch of reasons I love Japan. I just have to get there.

Man. You know what movies I really used to love? The Indy movies. I didn't take to Temple of Doom as well as the other two (especially Raiders of the Lost Ark...are you kidding?) but I really liked all three. (Yeah, I can't wait for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, either) There was a time when I wanted to be Indiana Jones. Nah, what am I saying? I still do.